I lost my left eye to cancer at the age of two. I haven't let this deter me from working as a steamroller driver, ski racing coach, coffee bean delivery man, wooden boat shipwright, bicycle mechanic, whale watching skipper, fish farmer, vineyard worker, tall ship boatswain, and snow gun operator. I've illegally driven across a parade route, lost control of my sailing dinghy in a helicopter downdraft, and ridden my bicycle face first into the trunk of a car. I've narrowly avoided drowning by unsuccessfully re-inventing Scuba using common household items, and been scoured head to toe by a doctor wielding a dish brush and a bottle of iodine in the Dominican Republic.None of these broad experiences prepared me for the asperous path of leading my son, Jasper, through cancer treatment. This is a story of how my heart broke completely, how I'm now left trying to answer the unanswerable, and how I'm searching for the reasons to keep living.